This Perfect World

Smooth Criminal

2008-09-18T21:15:00.001-07:00

My aching head mirrored the ache in my knee nicely. Downing the better part of a six pack while playing kickball seemed like a good idea, but now, looking back . . . not so much. I was cruising along nicely into the fourth inning when I kicked a perfect line drive up towards right center field. As I dashed towards first base, I started planning my run into second. It would be my first double of

Next, You Drop the Film Canister Into the Cavity

2008-08-14T06:52:00.001-07:00

. . . but keep it sealed tightly, unless you want it covered in sauce. Apparently Julia Child was a spy.

Thievery

2008-08-07T10:37:00.000-07:00

I don't have a green thumb; in fact, I'm pretty sure plants shudder inwardly when they discover I'm tending to them (if they were capable of it, that is). Throughout the past six years, I've waged a losing war against the weeds in my yard, and I don't want to talk about the trees. However, this changed a bit last year when Darcy convinced me to plant several cherry tomato plants. I watched them

Bobby

2008-08-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

Awhile back, I read a fascinating account of how, on the night of Martin Luther King's assassination, riots broke out in virtually every US city. Every city except for Indianapolis. That night, in front of a crowd that was largely black - and extremely pissed off - Robert Kennedy gave an impromptu speech that calmed the crowd and helped lock him in the country's imagination forever. As the train

Born To Kill

2008-07-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

Shortly before US troops swarmed into Iraq, the Pentagon embedded Rolling Stone reporter Evan Wright with the First Recon Marines, one of the units spearheading the invasion. Originally, Wright was not supposed to accompany the unit into combat, but after making arrangements with their commanding officer (he had to leave his satellite phone behind), he joined the Second Platoon on their run

Counting to Four

2008-07-20T13:44:00.000-07:00

Holy crap this is funny. Feist opens Sesame Street's 39th (really? 39 seasons? That makes me how old?) teaching kids to count to, well, four.

It's Official

2008-07-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

We are the dumbest nation on earth. This story proves it.Heaven forbid we have journalists in this country who actually spend time studying candidates and their positions on real issues, giving us nuanced, intelligent writing about what we could expect under a McCain or Obama presidency, rather than soundbites breathlessly delivered on the moment. Instead we get dog owners saying they prefer

Stalkers Rejoice!

2008-06-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered that my house has been added to Google street view (and even though it's not very web 2.0 of me, I'm NOT posting a link to my address. Figure it out yourselves, sickos - and bear in mind that I rig the Kentucky burglar alarm nightly).For those of you not familiar, using Google and an address, you can look up a picture of any listed property. In my case, the picture was taken

Normalcy Returns (or Long, Rambly Post About Not Much at All)

2008-06-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

Things finally returned to a semblance of normalcy over the weekend. After all the planning, prepping and celebrating, we discovered that the inside of the house was one mountain of crap piled upon others, and the outside looked as if the prairie was threatening to reclaim the land. Now I've long loathed yard work, so much that I've considered buying a goat. However, since I can barely handle

Cooking With Gas No Longer

2008-06-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

Things have settled down since the wedding, so I've been able to return to some of my more mundane enjoyments: namely cooking. I celebrated the lovely weather Tuesday night to fire up the grill and fix some bratwurst.However, this time I decided to mix things up a bit. The latest Cooks Illustrated inspired me to try something new. First, I sliced up an onion, dropped the slices in a bowl and

Old Tyme Religion

2008-06-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

Much as I try to tune it out, the "culture wars" keep creeping into my consciousness from time to time. And frankly, I find most of them to be utter bullshit.Take the separation of church and state. Basically, there's a custody battle going on over the founding fathers, and just what their intentions were as they framed the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights.

The Moment

2008-05-18T15:22:00.001-07:00

The MomentOriginally uploaded by brianmc94We're back. It was a wonderful, fun and exhausting week, and it's good to be back in the real world. I'll post more later, but I'll leave you with a picture for now. Click on it to see more.

Red in the Face

2008-05-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

Last night marked the return of softball.I may not be the most athletic person in the world, nor am I the most coordinated. I'm slow as a turtle in the outfield and have no arm to speak of; however, I can do one thing well, and that's hit the ball.So needless to say, as I swung and missed at the second pitch I faced, I wasn't remotely concerned. Even though I started thinking about it. The sight

Little Girl Lost

2008-05-02T11:48:00.000-07:00

Patrick Kenzie and Angela Gennaro are private detectives living in Boston. In Gone Baby Gone, they're hired by a desperate aunt and uncle to locate their missing niece. Hindering them is a strangely disinterested mother, a resentful police force and the nagging question of whether Amanda MacReady is really better off with her own mother in the first place?I read this book before I saw the movie,

Unfocused

2008-04-23T16:00:00.001-07:00

The first chapter of David Halberstam's The Coldest Winter is completely compelling and totally absorbing. Unfortunately, the other 620 pages fail to live up to the promise of the first few.The Coldest Winter purports to be a history of the Korean War, a story ranging from the lowly privates who fought the battles to the heads of state who sent their young men to fight for a country that no one

TEMBLOR!

2008-04-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

Some would take earthquakes the morning you were leaving for your bachelor party as an omen. I didn't, mainly because I slept right through the first one. The first indication that something was amiss was when Darcy asked me if I felt the quake in the middle of the night.I flipped on the TV to see what was up, and I was instantly sorry.Our local Fox station had completely given in to their worst

Statistical Madness

2008-04-13T10:32:00.000-07:00

It's that magical time of year when young men's thoughts turn to baseball. Yes, the season's only two weeks old and I've probably watched about 30 hours of it. Over the years, I've developed something of a routine for the season --- follow it fanatically for about three weeks, let it fade into the background until July, then pick it up again for the playoffs.You would think that given my love for

Out of Registration

2008-04-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

"Where are you going with that?" Darcy's voice rang out behind me as I slinked away from the dinnerware set aisle carrying the registry scanner. We were registering for wedding gifts one fine Saturday not long ago."I just wanted to check something out," I said, smiling (I hoped) convincingly."Towards the snack aisle!"Damn. I'd been made. Time to retreat. I returned the scanner to the cart, foiled

Paging Mr. P.

2008-03-31T18:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Paul P., I just wanted to let you know that I'm taking good care of your old home phone number, and over the last few years I've put it to good use. However, I would appreciate it if you could, perhaps, start paying your bills and not giving your old phone number to your creditors.Apparently, there are something like 850,000 collection agencies scattered around the world, and they're all

Hoodwinked

2008-03-31T10:39:00.001-07:00

A little aside here - I read this about a month ago, and I had to return it to the library; however, I also lost my notes, so this isn't one of my finer reviews . . . it's coming straight from (my somewhat poor) memory. With work and the wedding plans coming along, I've fallen behind in this little project - I have three more books to write about in addition to this one.I'm not an economist; hell

You Can Take the Guy Out of the 80s . . .

2008-03-30T15:55:00.000-07:00

In truth, I should probably be embarrassed about this . . .I was Righteous!I scored 95% on theTake the 80s quizby SheGoddess: Quick Weight LossH/T Five Dollar Radio

Human Tornado

2008-03-30T12:43:00.000-07:00

The house looked as if a tornado swept through it - especially the kitchen. Plates, glasses - mostly intact - covered nearly every counter, and the floor looked as if it hadn't seen a broom in many months (which it had the night before, I'm just not sure I actually swept anything up).We held a small dinner party for some friends, and for some reason, Chris and I decided that splitting nearly an

Taking Things Too Far

2008-03-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

After hearing many proclamations of The Kite Runner's greatness, I thought I would give it a chance, and while I wasn't disappointed, I also can't help but wonder who runs the hype machine and how they decide what gets pumped out of it.The basic story is that Amir, the main character, must return to Afghanistan 20 years after he and his father fled the violence engulfing the country in the wake

International Man of Mystery

2008-03-16T13:39:00.001-07:00

What do we really know of William Shakespeare? He (probably) wrote several plays that are widely heralded as classics. He borrowed ideas liberally from many sources. While he was reasonably well-off, he was never as famous as one would think, given the amount of accolades and attention sent his way.Bill Bryson tries to answer these questions in Shakespeare - The World as Stage, a brief look at

Paperweight

2008-02-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

I sat down last week to do some serious goofing off in front of the computer screen. I had the itch to get my nerd on. I sat down and proceeded to log in, only to discover that as I typed, nothing happened.I rebooted. Same result. Concerned, I looked up the controls and found the keyboard driver had been corrupted. This was another sign.It started with the mysterious internet activity as I was

Gangs of Chicago

2008-02-24T10:49:00.002-08:00

On a fall day in 1989, Sudhir Venkatesh, a Master's sociology student at the University of Chicago, wandered into nearby housing projects, something he was explicitly warned against. Venkatesh was armed only with his wits and an old sociology survey, asking questions such as "What does it feel like to be black and poor?"Fortunately, Venkatesh is nearly fearless and he's equally curious, because

Looking Back

2008-02-12T16:39:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, someone asked me just how much I read. I couldn't answer. I probably read 25-30 books last year, but I honestly can't say for certain. So my plan is to write a paragraph or two about everything I read this year and see just how far I get. I already posted one review, and here's the second.I'm shamefully ignorant of Missouri and St. Louis history. I know quite a bit about US and

Life and Liberty

2008-02-10T09:28:00.000-08:00

A while back I heard an interview with Andrew Napolitano, a judicial analyst with Fox News. His most recent book, A Nation of Sheep, discusses government excesses in a post-911 world. I poked around the library, but was unable to find that book. I wound up reading Constitutional Chaos: What Happens When the Government Breaks Its Own Laws, his earlier book.Napolitano's basic argument is that the

Downtime

2008-02-03T14:31:00.001-08:00

I came home Friday with a song in my heart and the flu in my lungs, so I've spent a lot of time enjoying Saturday television and looking over the blog - between bouts of fever delirium (102 degrees! Let the good times roll!) . I have a few ideas on changes, but for now, you'll just have to enjoy the new header graphic.

Corporate Responsibility

2008-01-21T18:33:00.000-08:00

I bought a new cell phone a few months ago. It's small, lets me check e-mail, and lets me talk to people who are far away. In short, I've been pretty happy with it.One thing that attracted me to said phone was the price tag. It was fairly inexpensive, and with the rebate, I was getting 1/3 off the price; plus, all I had to do was sign a two-year contract. No problem; I'm generally happy with my

In Honor of Cloverfield

2008-01-18T11:00:00.000-08:00

Forget this new-fangled johnny-come-lately I'm-gonna-eat-Manhattan wannabe. Here's a real monster facing his greatest foe:

Stress for Lunch

2008-01-17T10:49:00.000-08:00

You want to know what's fun? Going to get a haircut at lunch.You want to know what's even more fun? Discovering as you're leaving that the gentleman who was finishing up as you arrived accidentally took your jacket instead of his (they're both black leather jackets).You want to know what's especially fun about this? My car keys, work access card, and cell phone were in the pockets of said

Yikes

2008-01-17T06:15:00.000-08:00

One thing about reading history: you get to see just how close we repeatedly come to accidentally blowing ourselves and others up.

Crawling Out of the Weeds

2007-12-25T23:37:00.000-08:00

Before I start here, I want to thank everyone for the kind wishes and thoughts in my earlier post. I really appreciate it.Now, on with the inanity . . .Christmas crept up on us this year, and by Sunday I was starting to sweat it. Sure, the shopping was finished, but there was the little matter of the seven people we were having over for dinner. The house was a wreck and the fridge was bursting at

Wow

2007-12-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure whether to laugh, groan, or write the newspaper (granted, it's the New York Post - I doubt they'd care, especially considering that most New Yorkers probably don't even realize that there actually is a state called Missouri - it's one of those 49 other states that isn't New York, and someone writing a letter from there isn't high on their list of concerns) at this headline.

Another Goodbye

2007-12-18T19:41:00.000-08:00

There are moments you hope never end; moments that are so perfect you want them to last on forever. Take this picture - it was taken about a month ago. It's my grandmother, Mimi, playing with her newest great-grandson. Three days earlier, he'd arrived in the United States in the arms of my brother and sister-in-law. Aiden was meeting his new great-grandmother for the first time.Unfortunately, all

Humbug

2007-11-30T10:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I made my first post-Thanksgiving trip into retail world. In the best of times, I try avoid the retail world, around Christmas time, my hermit instincts take over and I start trying to figure out how I can do all my shopping over the internet, which I hear they have on computers now. To most people, the Christmas shopping season is a wonderful time spent thinking about loved ones

Rambling Post-Thanksgiving Post

2007-11-29T10:39:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was fun as always, but this year we had an extra reason to be thankful. Meet my nephew, Aiden. In addition to being awfully cute, he very quickly figured out how to work a crowd, which served him well at assorted Thanksgiving dinners and open houses over the weekend.As for the long weekend, it was hectic and very busy, including time spent finishing a job I started a couple of weeks

Faux Pas

2007-11-01T07:50:00.001-07:00

I've taken to the gym again - especially since I get free membership at the JCC, thanks to Darcy's employment there. Overall, I've been very happy with the experience - people are really there to exercise, if they're going to chat, they take it elsewhere.On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I work on cardio training. Right now, I'm focusing on building endurance by treadmill running. After I get

Random Musings

2007-10-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

After much hand wringing, debating, and household disasters, we finally set a wedding date, so things are finally moving along on that front. In about six months, Darcy and I will get married on a sunny Jamaican beach. Unless it rains. Or a hurricane hits. But right now, I'm aiming for an optimistic outlook.Other things I've been chewing on lately:After two weeks of trying, I'm giving up on

Moment of Silence . . .

2007-10-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

. . . for my fallen i-pod. The good always go out too young.

Here Goes Nothing

2007-10-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.Registration code: 2312296

Most Expensive Playlist Ever

2007-10-05T12:18:00.001-07:00

Here's a list of the songs that cost Jammie Thomas $222,000 in her failed defense against an RIAA lawsuit. It came from here.Guns N Roses "Welcome to the Jungle"; "November Rain"Vanessa Williams "Save the Best for Last"Janet Jackson "Let's What Awhile"Gloria Estefan "Here We Are"; "Coming Out of the Heart"; "Rhythm is Gonna Get You"Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"Journey "Faithfully"; "Don't Stop Believing"

Waking Up

2007-08-30T20:09:00.001-07:00

At least when I came home, my new MacBook Pro was waiting for me. Ooh. Shiny.

Night Terrors

2007-08-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

Boss runs in 20 minutes before I'm ready to leave, declaring a drop everything emergency. A piece of documentation HAS to make it in the next build. Crap.After running around for 40 minutes and nearly finishing, I learn that this piece of documentation is not required to fix the bug after all, so I didn't have to do anything. Crap.

Nightmare Continues

2007-08-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

I was halfway to work this morning when I realized that I left my headphones at home.

Nightmare Begins

2007-08-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

The bed collapsed in the middle of the night . . . again.

T Time

2007-08-27T17:05:00.000-07:00

I spent the morning revelling in the peace of quiet and solitude. There were no slot machine ringing away; no video screens threatening me with Rita Rudner or Carrot Top visits; no bright lights shining in my face.Truthfully, I kind of miss it already, but it's great to be home.Men live by a few simple rules; one of the most important is what goes on the road stays on the road; however, I'm going

Viva Las Vegas

2007-08-22T15:36:00.001-07:00

I'm off to the happiest place on Earth for a few days of drunken debauchery and donkey poker for this guy. I'll be back Sunday.

Burger Reconstructed

2007-08-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

I woke up Saturday with a spring in my step and a song in my heart; it was going to be a lazy Saturday. We had no plans; I could sit around in my shorts, drinking beer and slowly feel my brains ooze out of my ears while watching bad television all day. Unfortunately, I failed to consult all the stakeholders in this particular plan, so an hour later, I was busy vacuuming the house after

Cranky

2007-08-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

Four days ago, I quit drinking soda. Four days. Four whole days. Ninety-six hours. For some of you, this might not seem too long. "Four days is nothing," you think, smugly sitting back and sipping at your Corona.Well, for me, it's a nightmare. For a long time, I drank soda like it was water. I finally switched to diet about 10 years ago when I discovered that drinking a case of regular soda a

No Life

2007-07-21T23:17:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I read it in ten hours; that's sort of a day, isn't it?

It's a Weekend Post . . .

2007-07-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

. . . meaning it's a little rambling and too short (except for both of you who read this and wonder if there's something better to occupy your time - like changing the furnace filter or cleaning the gutters).Well, the A/C is back up and running. My farewell to the old system was nearly as tearful as I figured it would be: I started kicking it and screaming uncontrollably until I tore open my hand

Perverse and Twisted, It Is

2007-07-17T11:01:00.001-07:00

My house has a twisted sense of humor. Take this weekend as an example:The plumbers and carpenters cleared out Friday, leaving behind a patched up ceiling, a mostly-new plumbing stack and thin layer of dust over the house.We spent much of Saturday cleaning up and setting the kitchen up again. The house was getting dangerously close to livable again, a state of affairs that the house was simply

More Money Than Brains

2007-07-02T07:10:00.000-07:00

Crazed fans spend $500 to create plastic shards and spare parts. After you factor in the $500 they probably paid someone to stand in line for them throughout Friday, you have a spectacular waste of money. I would have sold them a box of broken phones for only $100.

Collapse

2007-06-29T05:31:00.000-07:00

I know - I've been away for awhile; here's a few reasons why:Work - Because THE MAN gets bitchy when I stop showing up for weeks on end. Oh, and I don't get paid.More work - I'm balancing two freelance writing jobs on the side. See above bullet regarding bitchiness and being paid.Movement - Darcy is moving in to my house, along with all of her stuff. And let me tell you, there's a lot of

Poker Funny

2007-06-01T04:57:00.000-07:00

Warning: Here there be poker content.You won't find this nearly as funny if you're not a poker fan./poker content.

Etiquette

2007-05-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

So what exactly is the protocol when you walk around the corner of an aisle at Target and see an employee zipping up his pants and fastening his belt?I was at a loss, so it came down to moving on to the next aisle while hoping I needed nothing in the original one or running away while screaming and clawing my eyes out.Digging out a quarter, I flipped on it, and it came up heads. After deciding

Newton is a Harsh Master

2007-05-22T10:07:00.001-07:00

It seemed like slow motion - the soda bottle slipped from my grasping fingers, slowly turning over as it sped towards the floor. I tried making the catch, hoping to stave off the inevitable, but my reflexes aren't up to gravity's inflexible standards. The bottle landed on its side and the cap shot straight off and under the vending machine. Soda fountained up over the machine, me and the floor,

Seven Things

2007-05-10T21:53:00.000-07:00

I was memed by Otis, so without further ado here are seven things you may not know about me:1. I've been in the circusWhen I was eight or so, my parents took us to the circus. As I recall, we had great seats - right on the floor level, and Mike and I showed our appreciation by bouncing off the walls, fueled to greater heights by the approximately six tons of cotton candy flowing through our

Score!

2007-04-27T23:44:00.001-07:00

WARNING: Here there be poker content.Is there a sweeter feeling than flopping the nut full house with a straight and flush draw on the board - along with eight people in the pot?Fortunately, no one seemed to notice my head exploding when I saw the flop.This ends the poker content. Please return to your previous activities.

Taxing Back

2007-04-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

I woke up with little desire to actually climb out of bed this morning. However, there was plenty to do, and so there but for the grace of God went I.After a quick trip to the gym, I returned home to discover that one of my freelance clients is continuing his run of not paying me for services rendered. So after filing away my plan to ruin his Monday, we headed to Soulard's Farmer's Market. Loaded

The Double Bind

2007-04-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

What do you say about a mystery novel that sets itself up as a successor to The Great Gatsby? The Double Bind, by Christopher Bohjalian, populates a world living in the shadows of the roaring twenties, where Jay Gatsby’s palatial home is now a country club, and Tom and Daisy Buchanan’s son, Bobbie Crocker, is a homeless drifter who left behind his legacy – a collection of photos – to the homeless

When "I Love You" Is Not Enough

2007-03-23T05:47:00.000-07:00

Police said the man they arrested lived a few blocks from Crystal and may have had a romantic interest in the girl.I have to wonder about this guy's thought processes: send cute notes or flowers anonymously? Nah - too cliche. Talk to her and ask her out? I want to set myself apart from the other guys. Kidnap her dog, behead it and send the severed head to her in a gift box? Eureka!Somehow I can't

Much Ado . . .

2007-03-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

Turns out I was wrong - it was a leaky water supply after all. Took five minutes to fix. My visions of cracked wax rings and cracked plumbing stacks weren't true after all.I still don't trust the house. It's looking at me all shifty.

We'd Prefer You Call it a Pee-Pee-Soaked Heck Hole

2007-03-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

So I was cleaning the bathroom Saturday afternoon. I know - some people hit parades on St. Patrick's Day; others get stinking drunk; me? I clean my bathroom.As I'm cleaning around the toilet, I notice water on the floor. Water. On the bathroom floor. I've been there before - many times. You want leaks in the bathroom? I've had them all - the tub has leaked due to cracked caulk and grout, the way

So Bobby, Do You Like Gladiator Movies?

2007-03-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

“So the Spartans fight in their underwear?” asked Darcy after I showed her the trailer for 300. Earlier in the day I received a free pass to see in on the IMAX, so I figured I’d give her the right of first refusal – a right she accepted – something about watching 300 scantily-clad men slaughter thousands of Persians didn’t do much for her. On the other hand, I was looking forward to seeing it –

Friendly Advice

2007-02-26T15:32:00.000-08:00

Being a good citizen of the world, I thought I would share this little nugget with you: if you're planning a wedding, and your fiance goes to a bridal show, under no circumstances - and I mean NO CIRCUMSTANCES - let her fill out an information card for formalwear places. As far as I'm concerned, she can fill out any other card she wants, but if the sound of your phone ringing at all hours with

It's a Dog's Life

2007-02-22T12:42:00.000-08:00

Mike Daisey was a slacker. He was content to bounce from temp job to temp job, long enough to make a little money, then he'd quit, live off savings and "perform" in community theater productions until the next temp job. Until Amazon came to town.21 Dog Years is the story of Daisey's three years with Amazon; how he climbed from the perpetual night of customer service, where windows were so rare

Unsinkable

2007-02-15T09:50:00.000-08:00

The old standards flowed from the duet as the lights from the skyline filtered in through the window. Outside, the bitter cold kept all but the hardiest (or craziest) souls indoors.I sat across the table from Darcy, smiling. Looking at her. Enjoying our time together as we traveled up the river. Around us, couples sat at their own tables, enjoying quiet conversation, dinner or dancing,

Huh

2007-01-26T09:01:00.000-08:00

So I guess my computer thought it was being helpful when it deleted all the files off my iPod sometime last night. And while I appreciate initiative, I would have liked a little notification so I could have maybe, say - reloaded the roughly 19 GB of music and podcasts I had stored on it, instead of sitting here poking it, staring at it and wondering how in the hell I'm going to pass the time this

Trash Talking

2007-01-25T10:07:00.000-08:00

The gray skies reflected my mood perfectly; I wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep the day away. Unfortunately, the world still revolves despite my wishes otherwise, and so I had to emerge into it. At the top of my errand list: the library. Generally, the library cheers me up - all those books, all those words, knowledge and characters hidden away, waiting to be discovered usually causes my

Goodbye Trudy

2007-01-15T16:18:00.000-08:00

You were a great dog; I miss you already.

Only the Strong Survive

2007-01-12T09:15:00.001-08:00

Your results:You are ApocalypseYou believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest.Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz...

Choices

2007-01-11T12:48:00.000-08:00

The situation finally came to a head two weeks before Christmas. Trudy, while always a little shaky on the housebreaking thing, was treating the house like her own personal commode. When you fear to tread inside your own house without shoes, it's time to do something.So I packed her up on a rainy Monday evening, where the vet told me I had a few options remaining:Running MRIs, CTs and other

A Good Ocean View Can't Be Beat

2007-01-09T08:10:00.000-08:00

What do you say? We all put some money together and purchase a sovereign nation. I like it!Oooh! Oooh! I want to be emperor!

There's First Love, and There's Brian Love

2006-12-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

Possibly the greatest time-waster in the history of humankind.

Engagement Party

2006-12-22T22:13:00.000-08:00

"You look like the perfect couple. How you doin'?"Yellow is a relaxing color, or maybe it's blue. I wasn't too sure. The maroon chairs offered a nice contrast. Plus, they were the most uncomfortable chairs I can remember sitting in for some time. And it's kind of ironic if you think about it. They want you to wait in these chairs. You're supposed to sit in them for a long time. Wouldn't it make

Apparently, the Axe Handle Wasn't Available

2006-12-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

Man attacks another man with antlers in a road rage incident.I know of people who carry blackjacks, bats, heavy flashlights and even guns in their cars in case they meet some maniac some day. But carrying antlers? I'm all for self-defense, but antlers?And how exactly does one deal with an antler-wielding attacker?

Pilgrimage

2006-12-13T10:05:00.000-08:00

When I started dating Darcy, little did I know that every year, if we had the means, we were obligated to make a pilgrimage. So on a cold December morning, we piled into the car, faced east, and began our odyssey.We crossed the river without incident, and as the strip malls gave away to farms, churches and intermittent houses, I finally broke down and asked, "Where the hell are we? I don't

Reasonable Doubt

2006-12-07T11:32:00.000-08:00

Woman shoots husband over a warm beer.After reading this I have to wonder: was it because the beer was warm, because it was Stag, or because it was warm Stag? It sounds to me like he was asking for trouble.

From the Ashes

2006-12-07T10:06:00.000-08:00

Fascinating account, censored until now, of how the Pacific fleet was rebuilt after the attacks at Pearl Harbor.

Missouri DOR Can Lick My Balls

2006-12-02T10:35:00.000-08:00

Copy of the e-mail I just sent to the state of Missouri:I just spent more than 30 mintues in line only to be told that I could not renew my plates today. Why? Because apparently, I did not have my 2004 personal property tax receipts. That's funny -- and utter crap, because I did have it with me.It seems that back in 2004 when I purchased my car, I was leasing a Honda Civic. As part of my lease, I

TSUNAMI!

2006-11-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

Earthquakes rocked the Kurii islands this morning, and the Japanese government issued warnings. People were told to flee the expected tsunami.So I'm sure they were a little confused when the 16-inch wave pounded the coast.A co-worker told me that CNN devoted several segments of breathless coverage, waiting for the destructive tidal wave to hit the Japanese coast -- apparently one that you can

Cursed? I Think Not!

2006-11-14T19:17:00.000-08:00

My fingers are numb; my tongue, even more so.Several years ago, I burned myself badly while cooking. As a joke, my mother purchased me a set of oven mitts. As an even bigger joke, they might be able to hold out the heat from an ice cube, but a cookie sheet? Forget it.Needless to say, when I was pulling the cookie sheet with the bread on it out of the oven, I burned the bejeesus out of two fingers

Election Day Jitters

2006-11-07T18:45:00.000-08:00

The butterflies in my stomach have been turning cartwheels all afternoon. At first, I thought I might be suffering from election-related nerves, but I believe I've stumbled on the real truth:When re-heating leftover chicken, make damned sure it's hot enough. Because food poisoning? Not fun. At least my old friends el Kaopectate and el Pepto Bismol are here to to celebrate the election

Karma is a Harsh Mistress

2006-10-31T12:06:00.000-08:00

While technically not a Halloween story, this is a tale of monsters and spirits gone awry. Once upon a time, I worked as a counselor at a summer day camp. For some reason, my employers decided it would be wise to put me in charge of a group of 12 six-year-old boys. Yes, I was ten years older than them, but I was just as mature as they were.